It was a great 2015, and we are looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us in 2016! As we set our goals and plans for this New Year, I am reminded of the wonderful truth that He is not finished with me yet, and that His plans for my life (whatever they may be) are perfect, and beautiful, and good, because I am His! I am so glad that I can rely on Him, and that He never changes, and that nothing surprises or confounds Him!
Acts 20:24 “But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus--the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.”
For my entire life all I wanted was to be a wife and a mother, and I still struggle with laying this aside and allowing God to take control of my desires and channel them to honor Him. It seems that the greatest ambitions one can have to serve the Lord and make a difference in the world can so easily become an idol, and one that seems so justified! Yes, children are incredible life-changing blessings, and we should desire them. But there is no “Godly ambition” on earth that should take the place of my relationship with Him. I know that the pain and struggle of infertility affects so many people, and it is hard to understand why. I constantly have to remind myself that God is much more interested in my heart and my walk with Him than in any goals or dreams realized.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that for me, it is SO easy to let my desire for children become greater than my desire to simply follow Him. It’s easy to follow Him if He is going exactly where I always wanted to go. It’s a lot harder when he turns down some path I didn’t want to go down! And that is probably the point of His doing so in the first place, if you know what I mean! That “refining fire” is totally real folks, and it is sometimes pretty toasty in there. But wow…how strengthening it is to come through it and be able to say “The Lord is my God!”
Zechariah 13:9 “This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.'"
We did the IUI last month and patiently waited, hoping for a miracle! (And believing that if God wanted us to be pregnant biologically we would be.) But we also had to keep in mind that 0% motility and an extremely low count doesn’t exactly mean good chances!
It didn’t work. And we found out yesterday that due to a huge group of embryo adoptions at the end of November, there is now a year-long wait list through our clinic. So, nothing is going to happen right away and we are a bit disappointed. But we are resting in the fact that God’s TOTALLY got this, and I am trying to remember day-by-day to enjoy life just as it is…beautiful, blessed, and centered perfectly in His will. :-)
AND there are baby lambs due in just over a week! Yippee!!!!