The last few days have been rather discouraging ones. Sometimes it seems like one thing after another, and you wonder…when will this ever end? Everyone has experienced this at some point in their lives, no? I have been enjoying listening to CSN continually on my little ipod during my daily chores and farm duties. What an encouragement that has been! I especially enjoy it when Richie hears the same sermons before/after or during his work day and we get to discuss them together.
I had to put down one of my favorite (they’re all my favorite!) ewes yesterday. She had been very sick since Thursday. I spent most of last weekend down there in the barn trying to save little June and her unborn lambs...I assume it was pregnancy toxemia that got her. It’s awful to see animals suffer. The stress of round-the-clock care and wondering whether she would be dead next time I checked on her was hard on me and all the people here on the farm! Sweet little June was always quiet and shy. I loved her. It sure would be easier not to have any animals at all! But honestly I don’t think I’d be able to stand being sheep-less for more than a day. I’m totally addicted!
Last night we got an email from Richie’s medical team. They want Richie to come in early (May 1st instead of June) for a blood test and meeting with his doctor. One of his cancer markers is up, and they are concerned that something is trying to grow again.
Why is it that when it rains it pours? Sometimes we wonder when God will say “enough!” A person gets so tired of sickness, and pain and death. When the weight of these worldly struggles is hard to bear, I remember that this is nothing compared to what the martyrs and those who were tortured for their faith endured. Paul was stoned almost to death for the gospel, yet he grew ever more faithful and vigilant. I am reminded that the Lord is with us every step of the way. I remember that this is a battle, and that we must be active in fighting it or we will fall. I remember that to fear is to doubt God’s sovereignty. I remember that before too long, we will have a life of rejoicing and praising God...with no suffering or pain, sickness or death. If God is for us, who can be against us? That alone is a reason to be JOYFUL!!!
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the fill armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Fort our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything to stand firm.”
Lastly, I must say that I am so proud of my husband. He just has a way of being strong when I am not, and reminding me of the spiritual battle we are fighting. Sometimes he is afraid, just as I am. We are afraid of having to go though the awful chemo again. But he never fails to see these troubles from a different perspective, and to ask the Lord to calm our anxious thoughts. Richie helps me remember that God is our healer, helper, and strength. And no matter what we must go through, everything will be ok because He will care for us!